Ancient Ghost
by Eliza Morgan
I am haunted by a memory,
A ghost who walked those halls.
And though I didn’t know it long,
I am where the ghoul belongs.
It buries itself inside my skin,
And dormant does it lay
Until, emerging in a dream,
It sees the light of day.
It’s all-consuming, gnawing at me.
I know this isn’t right,
But part of me needs the ghost,
Though I won’t sleep at night.
The haunt is exhilarating,
and not the life I’ve built so well.
I tread one step from insanity
Maybe I just need the thrill.
Or could it be possible
That once I loved a ghost,
Or knew that feeling possible
Until it vanished with its host?
Now the host has left me empty,
A hole I long to fill
With ghostly memories of a man.
We pretend he knows me still.
That just as much as I do him,
He thinks about the times
When we were driving, hand in hand,
When he pulled me in so tight.
It’s been one and half a decade!
Why can’t time dissolve
This constant nagging in my gut,
Some mystery to solve?
Why can’t I be nonchalant?
Why can’t I move along?
Why can’t I meet my life where it is?
I’m tired of feeling wrong.
For every step I gladly take,
And every great reprieve,
It lies in wait to take me back
To red-tinted memories.
So, Ghost, please tell me, what’s the answer?
What do I need from you
To free me from this cursèd haunt?
Let no more time accrue!
Do I need you to think of me,
Or is that dangerous to know?
What if nothing is enough?
What if reason I forgo?
What if I loved you and you loved me back?
Then, where would we be?
Stuck more than a life apart,
Farther than we conceive.
What if you think I’m crazy,
Or don’t think of me at all?
I really don’t want to know
What other problem that might cause.
So, maybe I just sit here,
In a limbo of my own design,
Stuck with the ghost of your memory,
Haunting me through mine.
A ghost who walked those halls.
And though I didn’t know it long,
I am where the ghoul belongs.
It buries itself inside my skin,
And dormant does it lay
Until, emerging in a dream,
It sees the light of day.
It’s all-consuming, gnawing at me.
I know this isn’t right,
But part of me needs the ghost,
Though I won’t sleep at night.
The haunt is exhilarating,
and not the life I’ve built so well.
I tread one step from insanity
Maybe I just need the thrill.
Or could it be possible
That once I loved a ghost,
Or knew that feeling possible
Until it vanished with its host?
Now the host has left me empty,
A hole I long to fill
With ghostly memories of a man.
We pretend he knows me still.
That just as much as I do him,
He thinks about the times
When we were driving, hand in hand,
When he pulled me in so tight.
It’s been one and half a decade!
Why can’t time dissolve
This constant nagging in my gut,
Some mystery to solve?
Why can’t I be nonchalant?
Why can’t I move along?
Why can’t I meet my life where it is?
I’m tired of feeling wrong.
For every step I gladly take,
And every great reprieve,
It lies in wait to take me back
To red-tinted memories.
So, Ghost, please tell me, what’s the answer?
What do I need from you
To free me from this cursèd haunt?
Let no more time accrue!
Do I need you to think of me,
Or is that dangerous to know?
What if nothing is enough?
What if reason I forgo?
What if I loved you and you loved me back?
Then, where would we be?
Stuck more than a life apart,
Farther than we conceive.
What if you think I’m crazy,
Or don’t think of me at all?
I really don’t want to know
What other problem that might cause.
So, maybe I just sit here,
In a limbo of my own design,
Stuck with the ghost of your memory,
Haunting me through mine.
Eliza Morgan is an emerging writer who explores the blurred lines between introspection and obsession. "Ancient Ghost" marks her debut publication.