Skinniness is Close to Godliness

by Gabriella Lops

I reminisce about thinness.
The brink of death tasted sweet.
It was sweeter than the taste of sweetness.

Mom, Dad, and Sister were witness:
anorexia made me deadbeat.
I reminisce about thinness.

My ribs—nothing but bareness,
blue skin from head to feet.
It was sweeter than the taste of sweetness.

My mind consumed by illness,
a lifetime of ritual and repeat.
I reminisce on thinness.

Learning to indulge in fullness.
I recall my bones with no meat.
It was sweeter than the taste of sweetness.

Skinniness was my closest to godliness.
Food is a war I can’t defeat.
I reminisce on thinness.
It was sweeter than the taste of sweetness.

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Gabriella Lops is a pre-law student at Ohio State University, pursuing a BA in English with a concentration in creative writing and double minors in film studies and law and public policy. Her writing explores the complexities of girlhood and young womanhood, particularly through the lens of mental health. This is her first publication.