But it Was You
by Anaira Poddar
“Oh, just like Nadia”
That’s when it happened
Suddenly but all at once
The ropes tightening around my heart
The voices of pleas and panic
Your laughter echoing in my ears
The feeling of an empty abyss
The blinding of the sunshine
Flooding every inch of my brain
My hand touched something cold
Something sharp
My knees folded
Folded like a floating lifeless paper
As if subconsciously
Asking for forgiveness
Forgiveness for surviving
Her face flickered
Flickered in my brain
Like a broken light
Trying to piece
Piece her together
Piece Her cascading black hair
Her twinkling blue eyes
Her cherry plump lips
And her narrow nose
Onto her rosy cheeks
And fair face
The face I can never touch again
Never see light up
Once the fireworks litter the sky
Because she jumped in front
In front of the racing bullet
The flying golden bullet
Meant for me
I can still feel her blood
Colouring my hands
As her body flailed
Down like jelly
How I stood there
Frozen like a statue
My legs pulling me deeper into the ground
My hands locked at my sides
And my eyes paused
Only to rewind to
Replay the reel
A thousand times over again
I am eternally sorry
It should have been me
But it was you
But it was you
I still freeze
Freeze when your name rings in my ears
Fall when the memories rush in
Cry when I realize you will never be back
Back like you promised.
That’s when it happened
Suddenly but all at once
The ropes tightening around my heart
The voices of pleas and panic
Your laughter echoing in my ears
The feeling of an empty abyss
The blinding of the sunshine
Flooding every inch of my brain
My hand touched something cold
Something sharp
My knees folded
Folded like a floating lifeless paper
As if subconsciously
Asking for forgiveness
Forgiveness for surviving
Her face flickered
Flickered in my brain
Like a broken light
Trying to piece
Piece her together
Piece Her cascading black hair
Her twinkling blue eyes
Her cherry plump lips
And her narrow nose
Onto her rosy cheeks
And fair face
The face I can never touch again
Never see light up
Once the fireworks litter the sky
Because she jumped in front
In front of the racing bullet
The flying golden bullet
Meant for me
I can still feel her blood
Colouring my hands
As her body flailed
Down like jelly
How I stood there
Frozen like a statue
My legs pulling me deeper into the ground
My hands locked at my sides
And my eyes paused
Only to rewind to
Replay the reel
A thousand times over again
I am eternally sorry
It should have been me
But it was you
But it was you
I still freeze
Freeze when your name rings in my ears
Fall when the memories rush in
Cry when I realize you will never be back
Back like you promised.
Anaira Poddar lives in India navigating through her student life with the help of writing. She is an aspiring writer who loves delving into fantasies and fiction worlds. She has a knack for creating her own fantasy worlds with her words. You can find her on Instagram @aar.u.shi.