Meeting the Shadow
by Darlene Montonaro
Assume the exact opposite of what you consciously desire;
in this way you will re-own the parts of yourself you have rejected.
What if the silence you seek
is not holy silence, but the frosted escape
of your mother, who could go for days
without speaking, her cold eyes
accusing, the house refrigerated.
Laying the table with clenched jaw
and stone teeth, the bowl of pasta fagioli,
which you hate, spooned and souring
on your tongue.
And what if that place you go to
after you light candles and get swallowed
into the dark is not refuge, but the same place
you escaped to then–hungry, shivered,
seeking warmth as you huddled in the coats
and boots, closeted behind closed eyes?
And what if the antidote you administer
to every broken and ruined part of you
is the wrong medicine, what if every
thing you have told yourself you wanted
was not what you wanted at all? What if
the dark wings you have hidden
are the ones meant to help you fly?
in this way you will re-own the parts of yourself you have rejected.
What if the silence you seek
is not holy silence, but the frosted escape
of your mother, who could go for days
without speaking, her cold eyes
accusing, the house refrigerated.
Laying the table with clenched jaw
and stone teeth, the bowl of pasta fagioli,
which you hate, spooned and souring
on your tongue.
And what if that place you go to
after you light candles and get swallowed
into the dark is not refuge, but the same place
you escaped to then–hungry, shivered,
seeking warmth as you huddled in the coats
and boots, closeted behind closed eyes?
And what if the antidote you administer
to every broken and ruined part of you
is the wrong medicine, what if every
thing you have told yourself you wanted
was not what you wanted at all? What if
the dark wings you have hidden
are the ones meant to help you fly?
Darlene Montonaro is a poet from Cleveland, OH, whose work has appeared in a variety of literary magazines including Calyx, Slipstream, Earth’s Daughters, Blueline, The Buddhist Poetry Review, and The Comstock Review. In 2016, she was awarded a Creative Workforce Fellowship from the Community Partnership for Arts and Culture, a grant given to artists in the community to support and enhance their artistic process.