​The Ballad of a Self-Proclaimed Bastard

by Ian Nathan

I promise I’m not 
The man I say.
Pure and divine, 
Forever cliché.

​Never be fooled
By my smile and laughter.
I am a sinner
To be hung by the rafters.

For I have lied,
Like every lone soul,
To protect my heart,
To never feel whole.

I’ve smiled and waved
But I never did care,
For what people said,
For how people stared.

It was easy to do,
Behind the screens you see,
For my intentions were hidden
But my words could never be. 

They were merely a vice,
At least their purpose to me.
Each reluctant to run,
Each reluctant to leave.

For all they wanted
Could not be found.
Love to be true,
But I was a hound. 

So many I smuggled
Under my sheets.
Some were so soft,
And others too sweet.

Then on they would go 
And the void grew bare.
As I, lone again 
Without a body to care. 

So such is life,
A metaphor at most,
Where years pass by 
And memories fade to ghosts.

And as my final days
Ticked across the clocks,
I prayed for a salvation
Never to begot 

Then like most men,
I would die in a bed.
Alone in my heart,
And pain in my head.

And then I would walk 
To the end you see.
The end of my life,
The end of my spree.

I’d walk to the end
Where the light fades away,
Where my lies no longer work,
And my smile no longer suedes.

And there I would be,
For who I truly am,
A mimic at heart.
The heart of a worthless man.