Your Protege
by Tanner Muller
My spirit used to be etched on gold-plated shields,
My soul full of childish optimism.
But you thought it necessary to leave me
With the everlasting knowledge of
Being (desired, yet) unloved.
You danced upon the grave of my securities
And taught me how to give my power away.
You were the unforgiving ringmaster,
And I, your submissive, non-consenting protégé.
You took command of my atmosphere,
And corrupted my sense of being.
I was your prepubescent genie,
Your desires my guidelines,
Your wishes my every command.
I was only a child
I was only a child
I was only a child
If only my skin could document the history of
Its touches and record them into a rolodex.
Then I could start to reveal these gaps
And allow myself to heal.
Now take a seat and bear witness to my process.
Watch how I weave this thread and
Stitch these open memory wounds
My soul full of childish optimism.
But you thought it necessary to leave me
With the everlasting knowledge of
Being (desired, yet) unloved.
You danced upon the grave of my securities
And taught me how to give my power away.
You were the unforgiving ringmaster,
And I, your submissive, non-consenting protégé.
You took command of my atmosphere,
And corrupted my sense of being.
I was your prepubescent genie,
Your desires my guidelines,
Your wishes my every command.
I was only a child
I was only a child
I was only a child
If only my skin could document the history of
Its touches and record them into a rolodex.
Then I could start to reveal these gaps
And allow myself to heal.
Now take a seat and bear witness to my process.
Watch how I weave this thread and
Stitch these open memory wounds
Tanner Muller is a queer writer and spoken word performer based in Adelaide, South Australia. His work explores themes of sexuality, identity, and vulnerability. His self-published collection of interrelated stories "under/Limelight" (2020) is available through Amazon Kindle and Apple iBooks. He holds a BA (Honors) degree from the University of South Australia in English and Creative Writing.